Monday, September 1, 2025
Friday, October 11, 2019
Sniffles
Caught a bad flu, sniffling in front of the tube. It's not a pretty sight, I tell you.
My pregger sister has started nesting, and then destroyed the nest because, wth, she's just the average poster girl for mass destruction. Whenever she thinks she's on to a good thing, I can't help but think that the beauty of it being new will last only as long as it's new and exciting. After the magic of it has faded, she'll destroy whatever efforts she's put into it. There is no rhyme or pattern, just the same downward spiralling path she takes in her every endeavor. I knew, when she started nesting at week 20 of her pregnancy, that the new undertaking will end before it will even begin. Now that I'm sitting on the war-torn bedroom set aside for the baby, I hated my guts for not fighting the gut feeling. I bet when she's on her last few weeks, which is in March, she'll rely on me and my mom helping her to fix everything so everything will be warm and cozy when the baby arrives. I'm evil, I know, and I have absolutely no sympathy for a pregnant woman. But see, today, it's nesting, and then a few weeks after this, it's the child-rearing, and after the infant stages, lord knows what comes next. I think my mom and I are quickly becoming married into the little mess that she is building and calling a family.
These anti-sister thoughts are floating around my brain whether or not I want them to.
She's already vacuumed this room, but somehow, it still manages to mix dust with the air I breathe. I think I'm getting worse.
My pregger sister has started nesting, and then destroyed the nest because, wth, she's just the average poster girl for mass destruction. Whenever she thinks she's on to a good thing, I can't help but think that the beauty of it being new will last only as long as it's new and exciting. After the magic of it has faded, she'll destroy whatever efforts she's put into it. There is no rhyme or pattern, just the same downward spiralling path she takes in her every endeavor. I knew, when she started nesting at week 20 of her pregnancy, that the new undertaking will end before it will even begin. Now that I'm sitting on the war-torn bedroom set aside for the baby, I hated my guts for not fighting the gut feeling. I bet when she's on her last few weeks, which is in March, she'll rely on me and my mom helping her to fix everything so everything will be warm and cozy when the baby arrives. I'm evil, I know, and I have absolutely no sympathy for a pregnant woman. But see, today, it's nesting, and then a few weeks after this, it's the child-rearing, and after the infant stages, lord knows what comes next. I think my mom and I are quickly becoming married into the little mess that she is building and calling a family.
These anti-sister thoughts are floating around my brain whether or not I want them to.
She's already vacuumed this room, but somehow, it still manages to mix dust with the air I breathe. I think I'm getting worse.
Puede ba?
Puede bang sabihin ko sayo
Na sobrang lungkot ko
Na sa tuwina'y naririyan ka
Ang mundo ko'y tuluyang umiikot
patungo sayo, patungo sa kahapon
Masayang mapait na masakit
Kasi alam kong yun ay nakaraan na
At di na maibabalik
Ng paminsang-minsang pagsulpot mo
Nais kong namnamin ang bibihirang
sobrang oras at atensyon mo
Nais kong ibalot ang katawan ko ng
matatamis na alaala at isipin
Dahil andyan ka kahit malayo
Sobrang napakalayo
Pero sa bawat galak
Kaakibat ang pait, ang hapdi
Dahil alam ko sa diwa ko
Wala na, walang wala na
Matagal na at di na babalik
Patuloy lang ako maiinggit at
Hihiling sa hangin
Na sana ako na lang
Na sana ako pa rin sa huli
Ngunit wala na talaga
Walang-wala na.
Wala na.
Pero puede ba?
Na sobrang lungkot ko
Na sa tuwina'y naririyan ka
Ang mundo ko'y tuluyang umiikot
patungo sayo, patungo sa kahapon
Masayang mapait na masakit
Kasi alam kong yun ay nakaraan na
At di na maibabalik
Ng paminsang-minsang pagsulpot mo
Nais kong namnamin ang bibihirang
sobrang oras at atensyon mo
Nais kong ibalot ang katawan ko ng
matatamis na alaala at isipin
Dahil andyan ka kahit malayo
Sobrang napakalayo
Pero sa bawat galak
Kaakibat ang pait, ang hapdi
Dahil alam ko sa diwa ko
Wala na, walang wala na
Matagal na at di na babalik
Patuloy lang ako maiinggit at
Hihiling sa hangin
Na sana ako na lang
Na sana ako pa rin sa huli
Ngunit wala na talaga
Walang-wala na.
Wala na.
Pero puede ba?
Wednesday, October 9, 2019
Huwag
Parang awa mo na
Pigilan mo
Itigil mo
Iwasan mo
Iwasan mong bumalik
Sa mundong madilim
Itigil mong sundan
Ang aninong nakabalatkayo
Pigilan mo ang isip mo
At ang puso mong mahina
Parang awa mo na
Huwag na
Tama na
Tapos na
Tapos na ang lumang istorya nyo
Tama na ang panahong sinayang mo
Huwag mo ng saktan ang pagkatao mo
Parang awa mo na.
Durug na durog ka na.
Kaya huwag.
Huwag.
Thursday, May 31, 2018
The symphony of trees
disclaimer:
nakita ko lang sa kalye ng taipei ang title na nakalagay
habang tumatakbo sa isipan ko ang nakasulat sa ibaba nito
****
Paulit-ulit mong tinatanong
Na hindi ko matugon-tugon
Kelan ko seseryosohin
Ang wika mo sakin
Sa totoo lang
Hindi ko masabi sayo
Na ako’y masaya
Na sating dalawa
Ikaw ang lumigaya
Naabot mo ang pinapangarap ko
Nakamit mo ang laman ng panaginip ko
Di man ako ang iyong kasama
Ang mahalaga’y napabuti ka
Siguro pagdating ng panahon
Sa sandali ng aking dapithapon
Ibubulong ko sa hangin
Isang pasalamat na minsan
Sa buhay na to, tayo'y nagkaibigan.
Sa buhay na to, tayo'y nagkaibigan.
Labindalawa't isa
Yung bigla-bigla ka na lang lumitaw
Aking ulirat iyong muling pinukaw
Makalipas ang labindalawang taon
Naghintay ka pa ng isang araw ngayon
Bakit ka andirito ngayon at kumakaway
Eto na naman ako ni hindi ka sinaway
Hindi sasampu kundi labindalawa
Labindawang taon na puno ng dusa
Dagdagan pa natin ngayon ng isang araw
Tilang itong puso ko ayaw pang pumanaw
Ikwento mo pa ang masaya mong buhay
Kung saan sya ang iyong iisang kaagapay
Hindi pa nga ata sapat ang sakit na dinulot
Ng ating nakaraang iyong tuluyang nilimot
Ating alalahanin ngayon san ito nagsimula
Mga ala-ala nating matamis at masasaya
Ngunit iwasan na nating muling ungkatin
Kung san mo tinapos ang iyong damdamin
Baka sakaling kahit papano’y maibsan
Itong pasakit ng iyong pamamaalam
Labindalawang taon na at isang araw
Ngunit ang sakit akin paring kaulayaw
Kaya’t muli’t muli mo man akong tanungin
Hindi ko kailanman kakayaning sasagutin
Sino nga ba sumunod sa paglisan mo?
Habang ako’y pilit na kumapit sa anino mo
Labindalawang taon at isang araw
Mga pangako mo’y di ko na matanaw
Tanging alaala mo ang aking kaulayaw
Sa mga araw at gabing mapanglaw
Labindalawang taon na ang umusad
Marapatin mong ako na ang tumupad
Sa mga pangako mong tuluyang nilipad
Kasama ng pag ibig mong tila’y huwad
Kung sumapit man na ikaw ay mag-isa na
Nakaupo sa tumbang walang makasama
Huwag mag-alala at ako’y darating dyan
Ibulong mo lang sa hangin aking pangalan
Walang isang iglap ako’y nasa kabila na
Sasamahan ka at sayo’y muling ipapaalala
Na minsan duon sa kalye ng Ayala
Ang mga kaluluwa natin’y nagkakilala.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Istambay lang
Oo, andito lang ako
Naghihintay para sayo
Hanggang sa huling katinuan
Ng aking pag-iisip,
Hanggang sa dulo
Ng walang hanggan.
Naghihintay para sayo
Hanggang sa huling katinuan
Ng aking pag-iisip,
Hanggang sa dulo
Ng walang hanggan.
Istambay lang
Oo, andito lang ako
Naghihintay para sayo
Hanggang sa huling katinuan
Ng aking pag-iisip,
Hanggang sa dulo
Ng walang hanggan.
Naghihintay para sayo
Hanggang sa huling katinuan
Ng aking pag-iisip,
Hanggang sa dulo
Ng walang hanggan.
Para sayo
Alam ko maligaya ka na ngayon
'Wag mag alala, masaya ako para sayo.
Kahit kelan hindi ko kinayang isipin na
Masasaktan or malulungkot ka lang.
Alam ko, hindi mo na ako naalala
Pero ayos lang, nakaraan nama'y di mahalaga
Alam ko, di mo na ako kailangan,
Naintindihan ko yan na mas mabuti sya sayo
Alam kong para kayo sa isat-isa
Higit sa kanino man dito sa mundo
Masaya ako para sayo, nakamit mo na
Ang pinapangarap mo lang nuon
Masaya ako kasi masaya kang talaga
At bawat saglit kasama mo sya
Tama na sa akin yun, na sating dalawa
Ikaw ang lumigaya at masaya
Kung sakali mang kailangin mo ako
At tinakbuhan ka na buong mundo
Kung sakali lang naman na magkaganun
Andito lang ako, naghihintay para sayo.
'Wag mag alala, masaya ako para sayo.
Kahit kelan hindi ko kinayang isipin na
Masasaktan or malulungkot ka lang.
Alam ko, hindi mo na ako naalala
Pero ayos lang, nakaraan nama'y di mahalaga
Alam ko, di mo na ako kailangan,
Naintindihan ko yan na mas mabuti sya sayo
Alam kong para kayo sa isat-isa
Higit sa kanino man dito sa mundo
Masaya ako para sayo, nakamit mo na
Ang pinapangarap mo lang nuon
Masaya ako kasi masaya kang talaga
At bawat saglit kasama mo sya
Tama na sa akin yun, na sating dalawa
Ikaw ang lumigaya at masaya
Kung sakali mang kailangin mo ako
At tinakbuhan ka na buong mundo
Kung sakali lang naman na magkaganun
Andito lang ako, naghihintay para sayo.
Scar
So much for the notion of love.
not only was it ashes.
but even long after the ashes have scattered,
blown into nothing by the wind,
the scar from the burn remained.
not only was it ashes.
but even long after the ashes have scattered,
blown into nothing by the wind,
the scar from the burn remained.
And i had to see you both
June 21, 217 days ago from today (01 24 2012)
I had to see you both - again. God, I have forgotten how you look and now, my memory is refreshed. This reminded me of the love i have lost forever, the dream that will never be a reality. I am saddened by this and deep inside, i am still that little girl hoping for a fairy tale life and love.
I have won a lot of battles, but i guess, this one is what i have lost badly. However, i am good now and acceptance is already here. my defeat. and i am no longer denying it.
thank you for giving me the experience to have loved greatly and to have lost in the worst way possible. now, i am forgiving myself for this misfortune. may i live peacefully and hopefully, happily...someday.
thank you and goodbye.
I had to see you both - again. God, I have forgotten how you look and now, my memory is refreshed. This reminded me of the love i have lost forever, the dream that will never be a reality. I am saddened by this and deep inside, i am still that little girl hoping for a fairy tale life and love.
I have won a lot of battles, but i guess, this one is what i have lost badly. However, i am good now and acceptance is already here. my defeat. and i am no longer denying it.
thank you for giving me the experience to have loved greatly and to have lost in the worst way possible. now, i am forgiving myself for this misfortune. may i live peacefully and hopefully, happily...someday.
thank you and goodbye.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
the reincarnation of my depressed blog
i have nothing nice to write...actually, i am just here in front of my computer - again, for the nth time- killing myself with negative thoughts, with bad memories that grip my heart and squeeze life out of it...
i do not know...perhaps i was just born like this - sulking sulker...people thought i'm a happy person who giggles a lot, to the point that they find it irritating already....but when i am alone, i drift in to that another dimension, where the word happiness is centuries away....i don't want to be like this but my braincells are shortcircuiting each other that i find it hard to sort everything out....wish i have the courage to just smile and be happy and look ahead, instead of looking back...
uh well, this is another one of those unfinished blogs. i gotta join the preclosing meeting...how boring this life can be? kids, don't dream of being an auditor!
i do not know...perhaps i was just born like this - sulking sulker...people thought i'm a happy person who giggles a lot, to the point that they find it irritating already....but when i am alone, i drift in to that another dimension, where the word happiness is centuries away....i don't want to be like this but my braincells are shortcircuiting each other that i find it hard to sort everything out....wish i have the courage to just smile and be happy and look ahead, instead of looking back...
uh well, this is another one of those unfinished blogs. i gotta join the preclosing meeting...how boring this life can be? kids, don't dream of being an auditor!
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